Ideally, you should drink this cocktail when you’re stuck in traffic. In Einstein’s famous equation, E=mc2, the “c” is the speed of light, which, as anyone remotely knowledgeable in Science knows, is really effing fast. 186,000 miles per second, give or take. That’s like way faster than the Autobahn. In fact, from our POV, it’s instantaneous. Which is how today’s new cocktail was inspired.
Okay, here’s the scene... You’re on the road, stopped in traffic at a red light. There are four cars ahead of you. You wait and wait for the interminable light to change, but it’s still red. RED. RED. RED. RED. You impatiently drum your fingers to “My Sharona”, which for some reason is on the radio. You fix your eyes on the red light like Franz Mesmer, as you try to transform it to GREEN from the sheer force of your mind. Still RED.
Then the expletives burst forth from your dark depths as your teeth grind into a grimace, your blood pressure rises, your eyes bug out like Barbara Bush, when FINALLY the godforsaken light turns GREEN! NIRVANA! BLISS! You’re about to slam down the accelerator and peel out when you can’t help but notice that the four cars in front of you are still stuck at zero MPH, inert. WTF, bitches? After all, you already saw the light turn GREEN, and the speed of light dictates that these drivers in front of you saw it as well. In fact, infinitesimally sooner than you did! So what’s the deal? “The speed of light, bitches!” you find yourself yelling out. Obviously, these four drivers in front of you are Luddites or Trumpites or Troglodytes who don’t believe in progress or Science or such immutable constants as the speed of light. But Science is true nonetheless, regardless of ignorance or disbelief. Another agonized second of waiting, when finally, like a mammoth pulling its leg from a tar pit, they slowly inch ahead. And you let out an exasperated breath and softly, defeatedly, step on the gas.
And regarding the name of this drink: C is for Celeritas, Latin for speed, from whence came the word celerity. Enjoy.
“C” IS FOR CELERITAS
1 part Malibu Caribbean Rum with Mango Liqueur
1 part Absolut Hibiskus Vodka
¼ part Domaine de Canton
½ part Ocean Spray White Cranberry juice
¼ part fresh-squeezed Lemon juice
dash of Fee Brothers Rhubarb bitters
Shake over ice. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
with a Gummi Peach candy cut into a C, on a pick.
And try these other Science-related cocktails!
Ginger Not Mary Ann: A Glamorous, Captivating Cocktail
She Blinded Me With Science: An Empirically Good Cocktail
Incoming: A New Cocktail to Beat Back Entropy