The Lawyers Here Can’t Dress For Shit: A New Cocktail With Style

I’m sitting here outside at the wharf, enjoying this perfect day. The sun is shining through a scintillating blue, as clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. A cool breeze from the north has blown away the Southern humidity and left me in an uncommonly good mood. But then, these two lawyers walk by (their law office is a few doors down) and my good mood fizzles. And not for the obvious reasons. I couldn't help but notice how badly they both dress! Their suits are beyond ill-fitting, as in billowy, as in hoist the mainsail and raise the mizzenmast! Their jackets are way too long (from that famous designer, Bongo the Gorilla) with sleeves that go almost halfway down their hands (with not a cuff in sight). And don't get me started on their trouser breaks! Good God! I can't even see their shoes because their pants slump and rumple all the way to the ground as they walk by on their way to the bank.

I hate lawyers. And not just because they're money-loving, heartless, salivating blood-suckers. I mean, you'd think with all the money they extort, I mean make, they could afford a fashion consultant. What a waste of cloth! And just now I caught a glimpse of their shoes, like those padded Rockports, with the square toes and clunky, squishy, sensible soles. Arrgghh!

Question: How many lawyers does it take to tie a Windsor knot?

Answer: None. He has his paralegal Google it, and then he charges you for twelve billable hours for “miscellaneous correspondence.”

In honor of the fact that there IS such a thing as style—as these photos will attest—I present to you this elegant, sexy, stylishly tasty cocktail…


 FOR SHIT 1¼ parts Stolichnaya Vodka
 ½ part Crème de Violette
 ¼ part Citadelle Gin
 ¼ part Yellow Chartreuse
 1 part Ocean Spray White Cranberry juice
 ¼ part fresh-squeezed Lime juice
 dash or two of Scrappy’s Lavender Bitters

 Shake everything but the Bitters over ice. Pour into 
a chilled cocktail glass. Sprinkle dashes of Bitters onto 
drink. Garnish with a Maraschino cherry on a pick.


THIS is a cool suit. Definitely NOT a lawyer. And those pants, those shoes...


This suit goes perfectly with today's drink!

My favorite action film star, Jason Statham, looking dapper and dangerous.


Another round, this time in black and white.

And be sure and check out these other fashion-related cocktails...

Haute Couture: A New Designer Cocktail

Basic Black: A Fashionable New Drink That's Never Out of Style

Grace Jones: Angular, Amari, Amazing!

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