Alcoholism as a Branch of Philosophy

“Vodka is this miracle elixir... this panacea.” “Yes it is.” “An’ you can make it out of anything,” says Ace Buckland. “You can make vodka out of recycled paper.” “Hmm...” “You can make vodka out of regrets an’ lamentations. You can make vodka out of sins in the confessional. You can make vodka out of sloughed off skin an’ impure thoughts.” Alex turns to Manny. “He’s on a roll.” “.” “I think alcoholism should be reclassified as another branch of Philosophy,” Ace continues. “Like Solipsism... Absurdism... Alcoholism!... Fuck the DSM!” “Yeah, fuck the DSM!” says Alex. “Fuck the DSM!” says Manny, although from his expression he has no idea what the DSM is. “It sure beats Nihilism!” says Ace Buckland. “That’s about nothing, but the philosophy of Alcoholism is about something.” “Drinking!” “Yes!” “Getting drunk.”

"Shit-faced." “Plastered.” “.” “It’s like Absurdism with cocktails!” “Absurdism with cocktails. I like that,” says Alex. “But what’s Absurdism?” “You realize how absurd an’ pointless everything is," says Ace, "but you do it anyway.” “It?” “Anything... Anything to keep the Black Dog at bay.” “The black dog?” “El Perro Negro...” “When all the shit of your life becomes this building of depression, this... adobe skyscraper of failures. Of lost hopes an’ dreams an’ disappointments that you’ve been tryin’ to hold up like Atlas, above your head for your whole damn life... to keep it from crashing down.” Ace looks at Alex. “I’ve mixed my metaphors, but you get the idea.”

This is an excerpt from my new novel.


"I've had love and I've had vodka... Love is far superior. But you can buy vodka at the store." —Ace Buckland

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